Saturday, October 02, 2010

Is Chivalry dead?

A princess is trapped in a tower by her evil stepmother. She cries for help by the window sill day and night. Then, one day, a handsome prince shining on a white horse rode to the tower where she was trapped and gallantly fought all the evil guards. He climbed up the tower, broke open the heavy steel locks, carried her in his arms and rescued her out of the evil place. He helped her onto the horse and whisked her away into the sunset.

Now, this is a fairytale. It was supposed to be like this once upon a time....


This is now...


But today, you might find the princess getting onto the horse herself, or probably fighting off the evil guards herself. Is chivalry dead or it's the rise of feminism?

Chivalry by definition refers to the qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women. Although it's a medieval system, it could be alive today if men were taught properly. Let's start with a gentleman, the one who walks in front of the ladies to open doors, the one who holds on to the lift doors, the one who allows the ladies to walk out before him and the one who gives you his jacket when you're shivering. But how many gentlemen today can truly be called a gentlemen? The chances that you've met a man who does all the above is indeed very rare. Come on, women have been seen to open doors all the time and even doing it for men! Sometimes we get slammed by doors because obviously the men are oblivious to the fact that there are some ladies behind them walking through that very same door. Men don't even open car doors for the ladies nowadays even on a first date!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that women are incapable of opening doors herself or paying for a meal on dates but there are just times where we wished men would be more gallantry. I'm a sucker for old-times romance where you're able to date a chivalrous man whom swept you off your feet.

I like it when a man opens doors. It was like the most courteous thing to do in the modern context of chivalry. Actually chivalry applies to being courteous to even strangers like helping a lady with her groceries or giving way on the road in regardless whether one is romantically interested in them or not. Don't you agree most men turned into monsters when they drive?

Unfortunately, chivalry is like a rare gem nowadays. As Patrick puts it, chivalry is "alive and hiding!" As much as a woman likes a man with chivalry, we are also unwilling to put down feminism. We wanted equality, we wanted a career and we wouldn't want to stay at home and look after the kids, we wanted the guys to respect us and we didn't want them to think that we are some damsel in distress.

I tried being a damsel but it just didn't work. Unfortunately acting isn't easy or rather pretending to be helpless and weak isn't exactly my forte. Looks like the days of Independent woman is here to stay but I'm all in for a healthy balance of feminism and chivalry.


I too believe that chivalry is not quite dead but it's rare.

Anyone can show me where I can find a chivalrous man?



21 comments:

suituapui said...

Yup, not quite dead - I try...to be a gentleman in the presence of gracious ladies. But weren't it the women themselves who went around burning their bras and wanted to be liberated in the 70s?

eiling lim said...

STP: Not me. I didn't burn my bra and declare liberty.

Bangsar-bAbE said...

It's dead. :(

CUMI & CIKI said...

depends on whom you marry! pick a good one :P

Khian said...

Erm, don't marry an Engineer.
Confirmed extinct.

thule a.k.a leo said...

like u said, the good ones are either taken or simply extinct (pretty much like dinasour) LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

Be a gentleman is about etiquette, manner and respect. Basically, most Malaysian men were not taught or practice etiquette. Hence, too many local men wear slippers to shopping center, casual dress to wedding dinner, shorts to traveling, etc.

eiling lim said...

Bangsar-babe: maybe the last one is already yours? haha

C&C: where to find?!!

Khian: Haha.. ok ok advice taken

Thule: So are you one of the taken chivalrous man?

Anon: Well, it's all about the upbringing and parents play a very important role! That's what I think.

Bangsar-bAbE said...

Hahaha...maybe! But my one I trained properly de. =P

eiling lim said...

Bangsar-babe: Lucky you!

UnkaLeong said...

Chivalry is not dead ;)

Nutty said...

i think its all gone Insane, i agree, its so sad what the world have become these days...

eiling lim said...

Unkaleong: Speaking for yourself?

Nutty: It's not insane yet, just hidden..

thule a.k.a leo said...

LOL!! Ask my wife...

p.calais said...

I'm quite amazed with what anon said. The first part is spot on, being chivalrous is about etiquette, manners and respect. but what does a man's dress sense got to do with chivalry?!!

eiling lim said...

thule: But i dunno her..

P.Calais: haha... that one you have to ask anon la!

TheGunner said...

I'm with p.calais on this one. Dressing sense and manners are separate traits, although ideally one should have a healthy dosage of both.

Khian, why not marry an engineer?

Sammy said...

Blame it on education...nowadays, most are Chinese-educated, so the first thing they learn is me, me, me and me only..also many chinese lit and storie books that these people read do not contain the word 'chivalry'..then where can these apk minded people learn how to treat a woman better? From their parents? Ha!ha!ha!

Too bad, most of the really English educated ones are a dying breed as the govt closes the english medium schools and turn it into a sekolah kebangsaan :) Nothing in their holy books says about treating women as equals anyway..

Sammy said...

sorry..should be apek-minded :)

Yes I try my best to uphold chivalry nowadays but women hardly notice if you hold the door for them, offer to carry their boxes, bags, etc or even walking on the traffic side of the street. Anyway the one that notices is already my wife :p

Terence Spencer Tan said...

haha i second suituapui.
i am a gentlemen and quite a chivalrous person in MY opinion and my better half's. I've done all you've mention but then again, it is ONLY because she did not burn her bra and begged for equal rights.
To each its own , as for me i dont think women should go preaching about equal rights but preach more on the complimenting values men and women have.
I mean it sounds silly when one rallies for equal rights but talks to her girlfriends about the fact she doesnt get spend on or dinner wasnt covered by him. Its because youre being treated equally.
Men dont go carrying other mens' stuff.
I mean i dont think im a male chauvinist pig.
I basically preach about 'carry yourself the way you want people to carry you'.
Btw very interesting read, keep it up =)

Terence Spencer Tan said...

sorry i meant complementing values men and women have. typo.

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