Thursday, March 11, 2010


The most coveted words that you ever wanted to hear badly from your partner would be "I Love You". People quarrel because of these 3 words and they get upset because they didn't hear this 3 words. I think it's so overplayed that these 3 words don't mean much nowadays anymore to some. Sorry to be a spoilsport but most of the time, it's "I Lust You" in a relationship.

When the lust wears off, bye bye you go.

I've always been an opinionated person. I sometimes ponder on things that people don't usually give a thought about and therefore, when one thinks too much, things aren't going to be spontaneous. Probably the most spontaneous thing I ever did was passionately kissing someone I barely knew for hours? Most people would have been there, done that and it's no surprise that I had my fair share of I Lust You situations. Something prompted me to write this post today.

The one question that I was very interested to explore is that how would one know when it's love or lust? Personally I've gone through love, where you care about the person, you would want to see them being happy, and share the good and bad times together. I've gone through lust as well where I don't even know the person well but there was a strong attraction. It's a very thin line separating heaven and hell and so does love and lust. Where love is personified as white and lust is black, I don't deny that the gray area exists. I would want to think it did.

I went on and ask some of my guy friends on this topic and I get quite some interesting answers. The answers that I get is "you just wouldn't know" but I beg to differ because one could have at least knew whether lust or love dominates the relationship. How did the relationship started? Was it based on lust? Or was it through friendship that grew with time? I actually think that most relationships would have been started with lust or some form of lust because that's the pull that gets you going after the person. In simple terms, there must be some form of attraction.

But when will the lust wear off and will it eventually become true love?

My friend gave me this interesting answer - when the lust wears off, it'll be love if both wanted to be together and see themselves sharing and caring for each other. I think it's possible and I wouldn't doubt that it happens in most relationships that is built on lust. However, I have this interesting theory that you shall never fall in love with the person you lust or the person who lusts for you. Why you ask me? So that there will be no expectations and no one gets hurt. So no arguments and no broken hearts. The problem about love is that it has to be a two-way-traffic where one is willing to love and receive love. But with lust, it works well with any individual as long as there is a feeling of wanting something is there.

is defined as a craving for sexual intimacy, sometimes to the point of assuming a self-indulgent character. It is also a desire for the flesh of another. Have you ever had that type of feeling where you wanted to be with that person so badly but you wouldn't see yourself having a long-term relationship with? The only way to win in a lust relationship is to not put any feeling into it.

But in the modern context, I could also lust for a Bugatti, a bottle of Domaine la Romanee Conti and a tall dark and handsome man but that doesn't mean I want to get into their pants. I think lust can be a wonderful feeling to have because it keeps you going and trying to achieve what you want. However, the negative side of lust could turn into a situation where the obsession is without possession which makes it very demotivating and depressing. My shortest lust was 3 days and the longest would probably be months. It's a very funny feeling because it makes one chase after the desire and once one attained it, it's no longer worth chasing again. That's lust for me.

So the next time someone says "I want to hear those 3 words", it could be I LUST YOU. So becareful what you're in for and find out whether it's going to be a 3-days-affair or somewhere between decades and eternity. I had enough of lusts. Where is the love?!!

[Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any guilt and breakups that resulted from reading this blog post. And I would be glad if the Parents Censorship Board do not censor my postings.]


foongpc said...

I'm 1st? Yay! I'm 1st!! : )

foongpc said...

Haha! I lust you? Hmmm, I think yes, usually love starts with lust and then if lucky, proceeds to love.

To lust is easy, to love not so easy to get and to find : )

p.calais said...

with guys,its ALWAYS lust.period.
doesnt matter how much they try to deny it.

Bananazക said...

The whole town has been talking "I See You" right after Avatar hit the silver screen and now your latest version with "I Lust You" sounds interesting. You would have received lots of emails and animated pics doing a comparison of men vs women. For the ladies there will be a very long wish-list but the men only one ~ 'sex' haha. How true? Wow sexy pic eh!

zewt said...

i think it's not entirely accurate to akin lust to attraction. lust have a definite link to sex, while attraction may not be.

that man who came over to you to say he liked the way you smoke probably had a lot of lust in his head. lol!

CheaHS@n said...

Perhaps your new word would then form this phrase "lust at first sight" haha:p

suituapui said...

Ummm....what do you think, Huai Bin? Muahahahahaha!!!!

TheGunner said...

For me, it usually starts with lust. I personally don't buy "love at first sight", although you can certainly feel great attraction to a person at first sight - and this can be due to a lot of conscious and sub-conscious factors.

The love part, to me, comes over prolonged interaction. I would say love starts from attraction and grows to a point where that person's importance to you goes beyond wanting to get into his/her pants, though that's not saying you no longer want to!

Love and lust are usually mutually exclusive, but there's absolutely no law that says that they should or shouldn't. They are different things, they don't usually co-exist, but sometimes they do.

Anonymous said...

Among animals kingdom, love exists only in mankind due to higher intelligent level. Lust is basic instinct to reproduction, to transfer one’s genes to the next generation. Hence, the moment lust stop, love fade.

Joshua Lee said...

let's see... i would rather take that lust could be the trigger for other feelings?

the feeling of being attracted would not just meant lust, does it? if you do lust for someone, wanting that physical company or that emotional attention? the thought of wanting someone to call/await call? the urge to tell that someone about that "something" that happened today?

i would say, we're merely dissecting the word love to more minority section. being in love with someone, you could lust for their physique or presence. you could also be attracted to their charms, their cheerfulness or even the way the light up the room when the are with you?

being comfortable with someone but not lusting or loving? what's that then? (just comfy and not having that urge to spend time together)

oh well... alot of alcohol in my mind, distracting myself from making a statement so... :D

eiling lim said...

Foongpc: So the secret is to turn the lust at first sight into love! Still figuring... :(

P.Calais: I love your statement! Short and true.

Bananaz: Thanks. And thanks for telling us girls! haha

Zewt: Haha... or probably it can be attraction?!! Oh well, I think lust stems from attraction too or vice versa? They are all linked in some ways.

Cheahs@n: Good one! I like the phrase lust at first sight!

STP: Huai Bin has not commented yet but I think he would be able to come up with an interesting answer.

The Gunner: Oh well, since I've talked to you about it and I know what your views are. Thanks for sharing ya!

Anon: or it should be, lust stop, multiplying fades?

Jorge: I think lust is more to a physical thing and love is an emotional attachment. Wow, with so much alcohol, you could still read and comment?! I salute you!

Anonymous said...

if he loves you but lust another, does he really still love you?

eiling lim said...

Anon: Doesn't this sound very common? I think it happens at any point in life where you find you might be lusting for someone else. IMHO, if he loves you, that's all it matters.

Anonymous said...

let's make it more realistic
if he loves you but yet he acted on his lust for another woman, is that still love for you?

can you accept a man who professes his love for you so casually and yet cheats on you? he will confess that cheating on you is because of lust.

based on what u say, he can cheat on you, but as long as he still "love" you, it is okay? your version of lust is based on feeling not action. you can see, hear, smell and feel but as long as you don't touch, it is okay. often the feel of lust will and have manifest into action. put it in term of your so simplify mind can understand, you lust after a rare bottle of wine, therefore you will buy it. wouldn't anyone? given the opportunity, who wouldn't acted on their lust? you lust for it, you have the money, you will run out the door after the wine. if you say, your friends will buy it for wine tasting, wouldn't you steal a taste? in the end you will act upon your lust; be it for a car, a bottle of wine or a man

Lust may lead to cheating and cheating will lead to mistrust. No one have never heard a man or woman who continue to trust their partner after learning their partner have lusted (in action, i.e cheating) another.

Trust lies at the core of love; there can be no true love without trust. Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.

eiling lim said...

Anon: I understand the message you're trying to convey. There's always temptations and its how far we will go to let ourselves to be tempted. Some are forgivable and some aren't and it all boils down to any individual's discretion. What I'm merely saying is that, to what extend you can accept a lust in a relationship with the presence of someone you love, it's entirely up to the couple.

Anonymous said...

you avoided answering the question.

" if he loves you but yet he acted on his lust for another woman, is that still love for you? "

the question is directed to you and not to another couple. You said that you are an opinionated person, but yet this is one question you dare not answer. Perhaps, you do not know what love really means??

eiling lim said...

Anon: Sorry for not answering that question in my reply earlier. Yes, I can accept that to a certain extent. If he's caught and refused to be honest with me, then I think there's no more love in the relationship. In other words, I think I can be forgiving.

TheGunner said...

Hmm... The discussion now comes to cheating. Nice.

I will not get into the debate whether your cheating partner actually loves you or not.

Regardless whether he truly loves you or not, I have to say that a partner who has a history of cheating will do so again if he/she is allowed to get away with it easily.

If you ever have the misfortune of having to deal with a cheating partner, make him work real hard for forgiveness.

eiling lim said...

The Gunner: Yeah... probably we're a lil off topic. Anyways you have a point there! Should torture him a lil ya... lol

ZacLim said...

well, the question that always comes onto my mind is ,
"can a relationship survive without sex?"
to me, its a definite NO but i have seen my friends having relationships that endured the test of time without sex.

talk about lust and me, love is a far more powerful feeling because love creates lust while lust does not neccessarily create love. :)

Anonymous said...

you are forgive too easy but to the point of naivety. maybe it is because life have been kind to you that you do not face the pain, problems and hardship some ppl do.

what is love without trust? a broken piece of glass can't be mend, what then is a broken heart?

eiling lim said...

Zac Lim: I'm sure many relationships survived without sex. However, I think lust can create love too when once you found that you like the person's personality more than his or her physical attributes.

Anon: How do you know that I'm naive. I don't think you know me well enough to judge me. Whatever it is, everyone has its own way of dealing things and so do I. Who says a broken heart could not be mend? I did with mine and I think it's up to anyone to be strong and go through life the way they want.

Anonymous said...

just didn't say you are naive. just you have not have enough worldly experience yet to think everything will be fine. just don't want to know you either; you are not my type. just want to put another perspective to your rose-tinted world.

gunner: if the partner truly love her, he wouldn't cheat on her .
why accept back a man who cheat? is the world so devoid of good man than, woman have to make do with the one she have; irregardless of the betrayal?

eiling lim said...

Anon: "just don't want to know you either; you are not my type" Oh so I see you only befriend those whom are "your type". Gosh I thought knowing friends have no boundaries. I am in my rose-tinted world! I am too naive!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

gotcha. it wasn't that difficult to get under your skin. good to have elicit a real reaction from "too cool to care" you.

TheGunner said...

Hmm... I see the temperature rising here...

In an ideal world, a partner who indeed loves his/her other would not cheat, but we're not living in an ideal world.

Now, don't for a second assume that I'm saying cheating is forgivable. It's not, but it happens.

Although I don't have any personal experience on cheating or being cheated on, I have seen many friends being cheated by their partners (not Eiling, I don't know her long enough), and you'd be surprised at how many of them actually forgive their partners.

I always go by the mantra that people do whatever that works. As I said before, if you let a partner get away with cheating, rest assured that he/she will do it again.

eiling lim said...

Anon: Do I get a prize?

The Gunner: I get what you mean and I totally agree. What are the chances that anyone whom have been forgiven would not be repeating the same mistake again?

TheGunner said...

Of course, I must also admit that I can't say for sure whether I would do the right thing (or just do it) when an opportunity arises.

Until I have the opportunity to stand in the face of temptation and be able turn it down, would I be truly qualified to judge.

eiling lim said...

The Gunner: So were you hoping that you get a chance to be in that position or would you rather not encounter such a situation?

TheGunner said...

For a guy... that's a difficult question to answer honestly la....

eiling lim said...

The Gunner: Means no YES or No for this comment?!! haha... the gray area.

TheGunner said...

Correct. We all know cheating is wrong, but yet people do it. The question is always on whether one can resist the temptation when faced with it.

eiling lim said...

The Gunner: Then I shall quote the infamous who says that "what you didn't know would not hurt!"

TheGunner said...

hmm... several ways to interpret that... ;)

Anonymous said...

I'd say it's true love if the lust never dies eh?;)

eiling lim said...

The Gunner: Up to you.

Anon: Hmm... which I doubt that there would be such thing as the lust that never dies (applying to one person).

moonlight lovers said...

first of all, the attraction. visually, physically and chemistry of course. but in this cyber era, whatever started out as the reason will be subdued eventually and thats when love blossoms and turn into a romance. from there on, love creates lust, you only want to lust for this person you love. there is simply no one else you will show your passion to other than the one who will response. yet, most times, your commitement to this person, if ever it existed and flourish into a wonderful thing, there will be nothing in our mind to pursue than the one love we are having. we will value it, cherish it, nurture it and make thru trials and hardship, simply realised that hurt always follow as long as love is there. if you have never felt pain, means probably you have yet to feel real love. real love enough to make you shed a tear, or tears, or cry. real love that get you all emotional thinking what the other person is at and what he or she is doing right now. sometimes, even saying the same words, expressing the same feelings, delivering the same messages in conversation. worrying, thinking, hoping, praying for that one person to get back to your arms again.

eiling lim said...

Moonlight Lovers: Wow, thanks for the lengthy explanation and opinion. I guess not everyone will go through the same thing. Looks like you have found and experienced real love!

Unknown said...

This is probably an old post... but I just want to comment on something that Anon said.

There are many ways one can look at and react at things. Some people can be as optimistic as EiLing and some can be as pessismistic as Anon. There are no right and wrong way to look at things. Just like how one can describe if the glass is half full or half empty.

If EiLing can deal with a cheating partner, so be it. It doesn't mean that she should be chastised as inexperienced or foolish. I have been in both spectrums before (an optimist and a pessimist), and frankly, life is short. You want to live your entire life buried in unhappy thoughts and failures from the past or you want to live your life with your dreams and hope for a better future intact?

The thing with experience and knowledge is that sometimes it can prevent you from finding true happiness if you protect yourself too much. I think this is one area in which MANY people get it wrong. It is not about not getting hurt. It is about getting back up to normal once you are hurt. In the meantime, enjoy all the good things that life has to offer. Try to be happy for once for all good things that comes your way.

Anonymous said...

i lusted and loved a man for 10 years. We spent 10 years in a deeply passionate lust filled relationship. Sadly for me he did not love me and met someone else. that fills other needs but not the lust. He still rings and tells me how much he still lusts after me and wants me. If i felt no love I would see him as I still have the lust too veey deeply but the pain of love is what stops me. I truly believe that both he and I will never feel that intense level of lust for other people but love is what carries us on in life and that wins over lust.

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