Thursday, January 21, 2010

Taking sides?

It's ok to be single. *repeat* It's ok to be single. *repeat till jaw muscles cramp* I think it's perfectly fine to be single afterall. When one is single, one keeps looking out to get into a relationship. But when one is attached, then one wonders how to get out of the relationship. Isn't this grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome is just so terrible?

Nowadays, women are so empowered that they realised that their value needn’t be defined by marriage. And every women I know whom is above 30 and is still single are living a fine life. I don't see them worrying about marriage although they might below that very confident mask. The only thing which I think it's a pity is that we maybe successful in our careers and social life yet we can't find success in a relationship.

I do know why I got myself into singlehood. There's a point of time when I think to myself and asked myself whether I would love to do things I want to do or doing things that I feel the other partner would accept. In the end, I took the liberty to venture into the unknown. I believe getting attached is like an enemy to individuality. The day that one gets together is the day both of them need to learn to compromise and understand each other. It's not an easy process but it's definitely a long one!

And I wouldn't say being single is all fun. There are times when you feel so lonely and no one is worrying about you. You've suddenly lost your permanent partner for movies, a pair of ears for your rantings, a bag carrier for your shopping trips, a driver for your outings, a pair of strong arms for hugs and a pair of lovely lips to kiss. These are all the drawbacks.

But the ultimate SINGLE vs ATTACHED statement is this:

Single: No one to tell me that I do not "need" another pair of new stilettos.
Attached: I could use his credit card and pay for the stilettos I wanted!

Therefore, I think it's all about striking a balance in life. One can still be individualistic and yet love being in a relationship. Having it both ways just isn’t astrophysics but it needs the understanding of both parties. Just like you wouldn't like the other partner to dislike what you like, then don't dislike what she likes. I know as singles we can party all we want and do all we like but eventually there's more to life than all these. I don't think I will be adopting celibacy because I want to get married by the time I hit 30!

But at this moment, I just feel quite comfortable in having my own space, doing things at my own pace and still be able to put on a bright face!

Unfortunately, Valentine's Day is coming and knowing that you will be bumping into every cuddly sweet lovebirds from high school to those grey-haired couples celebrating their love for the umpteenth time is just so demotivating. But lucky, this year Valentine's Day happened to fall on the first day of Chinese New Year and so it's not that bad afterall. I'll drown in my efforts of collecting ang pows that I won't even notice the lovebirds beside me kissing and the blue box that she is receiving!


At least I still have Mr. Cold Lips to smooch...



23 comments:

TheGunner said...

"a bag carrier for your shopping trips" --> I thought you once wrote 'be a man' to these kinda guys? =P

CUMI & CIKI said...

LOL.. aw.. so cute the last foto! if i was a guy, id date u.. but maybe my pockets not deep nuff for ur spending habits eh? hehe.. nice write up.. very curahan hati style all :D

eiling lim said...

The Gunner: As in all my shopping bags harvest!

Cumi & Ciki: I'm not expensive la!

Anonymous said...

Thanks Eiling, your post just made me feel much better about being single at the age of 30.

Corgi 1960 said...

hmmmm, I almost choked myself when I read the portion abt the new stilettos and who's paying. Very novel thought, I must admit......
The other thing is ...you do have expensive taste and it is difficult to find a partner that is willing to keep up the maintenance....kakaakakak
have a good weekend, my friend. I am going for my last weekend golf in China before calling it off for the Year of the Ox.

KY said...

i'mma keeping my credit card very close to myself ohohohooh

TheGunner said...

on the topic of high maintenance girls, a friend of mine once said, "I'm high maintenance, but I maintain myself."

gotta love that kind of girl...

ahhup said...

I thought u r refering to "single" malt...

Huai Bin said...

Yeah, agree, it's a very difficult process when you first get together with someone - the compromise and adjustments. :)

Li Wei said...

enjoy urself while single before getting hitched again......there's a long list of ppl queuing out there waiting for you...give the potential ones (read: i mean really really potential ones) some chance...haha

eiling lim said...

Anonymous: Hmm... I don't know how it helped but I felt bad.

Corgi 1960: oh so lucky! i don't need anyone to maintain me la. I spend within my means except that I am lucky to have friends treating me nice wine and food.

KY: have I ever borrowed money from you?

The Gunner: I don't call myself high maintenance. It's just I know that I like tasteful things (which not all are expensive by the way) and after all I spend within my means so I don't mind if people call me that as long as my conscience is clear because I do not borrow money or demand gifts.

Ahhup: Shall do an entry of it soon. hahah

Huai Bin: I think you're the most experienced in this!

Li Wei: Hope so la... you know it ain't that easy. Actually I'm kinda happy now except for the occasional loneliness.

Charles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Charles said...

Very well written indeed. I have been in relationship for 8 years now...3 relationships..the gap in between was like one week and three weeks. I'm not doing very well with my current and i suppose i will go into single hood soon. I wonder how am i gonna adapt a single life since i so get used to the "double"..

~Thinke®~ said...

is hard to find a balance point... being single is fun but i do share your feeling of those occasional loneliness...

all i do now is just let it be and follow the flow...

whatever come may come...

=)

TY said...

Nicely written how you feel, there is not biggie being alone. In life we do not always get what we want and is not easy having that balance in a relationship; as is not easy to meet someone with the same thoughts.
I always go by this rule "Live it fullest without any regrets and not miss every moment in each day".
Nah...You are not expensive to maintain, you just have good taste in living.

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Anonymous said...

Guess the best option for you is to have a part time bf.

suituapui said...

I always tell my daughter - it's your life, live it the way you want it...- as long as you're happy, nothing else matters but one must be responsible for whatever one chooses.

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zewt said...

i remember i blogged about relationship and you said you dunno if you want to be in the one you were in back then... i guess that was how you landed into singlehood eh?

i did enjoy my 3 year break from relationship... all the party and crazy things and answerable to no one. but like you said, it has to come to an end cos life, after all, is meant to be shared.

eiling lim said...

Charles: Well, that's because you're too comfortable in a relationship and companionship. That's not a bad thing.

Thinker: Yeah, exactly, come what may!

TY: Thanks! Yep, I would live life to the fullest but still there's a limit to things that I would do. There's still along way to go and I don't want to screw things up.

Anon: I don't believe in having part time BF.

STP: You're a wise father. That's a very good advice.

Zewt: Yeah I guess it'll come a time when I realise that I would need to settle down and be contented.

UnkaLeong said...

I know the feeling. You ain't going out looking for love, but you certainly hope it hasn't forgotten your address. Don't go rushing to look for a relationship lar, I'm of the believe that there's someone out there for everyone ;)

eiling lim said...

Unkaleong: Very well said but it's also a fact that many women out there still can't find love. That shows that ratio of women vs men is unbalanced.

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