Thursday, October 15, 2009

Can you handle the TRUTH?

Aren't you tired of reading and listening to every post/article on health in magazines, newspapers, billboards, radio and Tv telling you what you should do and shouldn't and what you should eat and not? Sometimes these articles are just so demoralising and it makes me think what am I doing in this world living a life like that?

Let me tell you, all is not lost because there's a doctor that tells you the truth! Finally, someone listened and answered my heart's calling.....


Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.(Maybe I should add - more SEX?!!)

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products..

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! (I agree totally)

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? (err.... ;P)

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around (and with aphrodisiac - what more can you ask?!!) ! (Insert brand -FIDANI-)

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! (many would like this answer!)


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember.....

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'Woo Hoo, What a Ride!"


*Note: Take the advice at your own risk.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Agreed with you absolutely.

Life is too short not to happy or indulge. Those health freak are people who worry about everything and almost certain are unhappy people; what is the point to live til 150 years old if live unhappily?

zewt said...

looking for trips to singapore hospital eh?

Anonymous said...

Some people believe;
- vegetarian is healthy, red meat are unhealthy but cow, sheep are vegetarian!
-white meat (e.g. chicken, pork) is healthier and ‘less poisonous’ than red meat (e.g. beef, lamb); however, red meat can be eaten raw but eating raw white meat can KILL.
- eating vegetable can lose weight but vegetarian animals like cow, hippo, horse are bigger, heavier, slower and fatter than meat eater e.g. tiger, snake, cat, dog.

suituapui said...

Hahahahaha!!! I love the last question and answer!!!

Huai Bin said...

Hahaha! This made me LOL this morning:

If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Cath J said...

ayoo... worry with all the answer...eventho' the part 'round is the shape' sounds good ;-p..lol..lol..

Shingo T said...

Haha, funny stuff.

Ok, more meat and less veges for me.

Anonymous said...

I live quite like that, with motto what if i dont wake up tomorrow ?
So make the best of today!

Jem said...

haha... i've read them somewhere before but it never ceases to make put a smile on me face :)

so true!

Jem said...

haha... i've read them somewhere before but it never ceases to make put a smile on me face :)

so true!

breadpitt said...

i understand ,life's short ....but however i myself enjoy healthy diet meal bacause i came across with weight problem before,btw it depends on individual...nothing is good when its OVER ...once in awhile indulgence its ok , exercise were not always have to be boring long lasting ...find some weekend activities also with frens like FLYING FOX at taman pertanian,u burned calorie without realizing ;-) get a laugh on the swimming phase ...lol!and round shape is a unique shape WITHOUT EDGES...lol! nice post ;-P

eiling lim said...

Anon: Exactly. What's the point living and not experiencing life?

Zewt: Well... I support indulgence in moderation. I do like singapore so probably can drop by my fav restaurant there while on the way to the hospital?

Anon: Wow.. I like this explanation!

STP: Now you have a very good excuse that you can continue to eat!

Huai Bin: I know you like that line. Saw it in twitter @sixthseal! haha

Cath J: It's just for laughs!

Shingo T: Moderation....

Anon: yeah, good one!

Jem: Yeah it's a mail forwarded to me.

Breadpitt: I know and that's why I encourage everything in moderation. Eat and exercise comes together!

Anonymous said...

The next thing this doctor will tell you is probably "Sleeping after eating will not make you fat. Just come over to my place, I cook you dinner and show you"

foongpc said...

Haha! I've read this somewhere before. Funny! : )

My Reality and Fantasy Journey said...

hehehe, suddenly i feel happy about myself, i wonder why

eiling lim said...

Anon: Unfortunately, I do not know this doctor.

Foongpc: And it fits my lifestyle! haha

MRAFJ:Good!

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