Friday, October 30, 2009

Can you CHEAT and still love the person?

So, it's been quite sometime since did a Friday post. Well, as the title suggests, do you think it is possible to love a person and at the same time cheat on him/her?

Before I even begin with my lengthy explanation, I had a really good time yesterday at the food review with Huai Bin and the other food bloggers whom I have been reading their blog but have yet to meet them in person like Bangsar Babe and Cumi&Ciki. Will post about this later.

Anyways, back to the topic. Do you think it is possible for you to love your gf/wife but at the same time cheating on her? Let's define "cheating". To me, it can be either you're seeing another person or you're sleeping with another person. There's also a short term and long term cheating classification where a short term might be you cheating once or twice and long term would be you cheating with another person for a long time. To me, cheating a person long term means that you have already lost interest in her, so there's no love anymore. Thus, I'll prefer to discuss on the short term cheating scenario today.

In my opinion, love and sex can be entirely two different things. You might have sex with a person whom you do not love and thus cheating on the person you love. This is a pure physical attraction vs emotional attachment. It's a "chemical" process in us that when we see something attractive, our hormones tell us to go for it. And therefore, even if you're in love with a person, deep inside you, there's this little voice that encourages you to do something that you shouldn't. It has become a attraction vs affection. But having said that, you still love your partner. So, you might wonder, what's wrong with "cheating" if you still love your partner, right?

I will elaborate on this from different views:

Legally

It's entire legal to cheat on love. Maybe it's easier on your gf but not wife. Because the end result is that if you cheat on your wife and you get caught, a divorce follows and she will squeeze a big helluva amount of money from your bank account. So, you might not want to do that if you know that you'll be caught. I'm sure rich men/most men know better.

Morally

Morally, it's always wrong to cheat. Our society does not condone cheating and it's definitely not accepted in our ways of life because we cared too much what the society thinks of us! It's also in the common understanding that if you love someone, you do not want to hurt him/her. If you cheat on your partner, it automatically means you don't love her. That's what majority of the people thinks anyway.

Personally

This is entirely my own opinion. Like I said, love and sex is two different entities. I might be physically attracted to someone but that doesn't mean I love him. Love is a big word. You do not say you love a person if you're not emotionally and physically attached to him/her. Personally, I think people cheat because they find the thrills in cheating. It's fun if you don't get caught! If you know that you'll be caught doing this, then what's the point of cheating? It's just like if you love Cadbury chocolates so much and one day, someone offered you an Amedei and tells you that this is the best chocolate in the world, would you want to try it? You might take a bite and then after that you go back to eating Cadbury and life goes on. But of course, you can always switch to Amedei and dump Cadbury.

I am not saying that relationship is like food where we can eat anything and have no guilt but what I am trying to say is that sometimes "cheating" keeps the relationship sane. After being with a person for so many years, decades or perhaps centuries.... you might need a breathe of fresh air. But I believe if you have to cheat, cheat with wisdom and compassion. Don't forget the love that you have with your partner, treasure them and don't hurt their feelings.


So, personally, to be legally & morally correct and yet be happily attached in a relationship : My advice to you who cheats, getting caught with your pants down is the last thing you would ever want it to happen!
Ok, what do you think?

24 comments:

suituapui said...

Huh??? You ask a question and then you answer it all yourself? LOL!!! Well, they say forbidden fruit is sweeter...but personally, I wouldn;t know... Hehehehehe!

sherwin ng said...

LOVE does not equal LOYALTY.

LOYALTY does not equal LOVE.

Shingo T said...

Anyone who cheats will get cheated in the end.

It's called karma. ^_^

Anonymous said...

Eiling,

The forbidden fruit to the young is always tempting.

Have you ever considered being afraid of being found out one day?

The emotion is scary.

The truly wise one would consider and ponder the consequences of their action.

eiling lim said...

STP: Well, that's my own view...

Sherwin: Hey nice to meet you. What you said is true... but Love should come with loyalty.

Shingo T: That's why don't do what you don't want to be done onto you.

Anon: I believe it's up to us and our strong will to decline temptations. Afterall after considering the consequences and if one still go ahead and do it, it's entirely up to him/her. Like I said, I am a person whom considers the pro and con b4 doing anything and thus, you don't have to worry.

sherwin ng said...

Well I'm not saying cheating is good and go do it. But it is truly an ongoing phenomena.

Two words:

Expectations.

Pre-nup ;)

Anonymous said...

Guess you have given someone justification to cheat.

Anonymous said...

i've cheated . i'm doing it again right now. I feel immense guilt. I love my boyfriend very much though. I hope he never finds out.

eiling lim said...

Sherwin: So it's not love anymore? Pre-nup is only to secure one own's interests.

Anon: We are all adults and we should know what we should do or should not.

Anon: I wish you luck. Why do you do it if you feel guilty?

zewt said...

ahhh.. another hot topic... u seem to have a knack for these huh...

sex can be just sex... when commitment is not in your pocket... morally speaking.

eiling lim said...

Zewt: Yeah I'm kinda interested in all these topics. Good to put my thoughts into written words.

Anonymous said...

hi, can next topic to be "Would you sleep with your ex?"...would like to hear your opinion on this :)

eiling lim said...

Anon: I can answer it here. I would IF I am not in another relationship. Maybe because there's still love & regret. If I am in another relationship, hell no.

Michael Kleder said...

The question doesn't make any sense, at a time if you cheat how can you love? Love is all about Loyalty and trust.

eiling lim said...

Michael: Like I said, love and sex can be two different entities. Does that mean men who look for hookers once in a while do not love their wives? If polyamory can exist, I can't see why the theory of loving the wife and yet seeing another women cannot co exist.

Anonymous said...

Quite good. I like the way you write. Probably I will bookmark your site.

Anonymous said...

This post have been very helpful to me. Thanks for posting it.

eiling lim said...

Anon: Thanks!

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