Thursday, August 06, 2009

The Green-Eyed Monster

Did you go green-eyed?


Jealousy aka Green-eyed monster lives in all of us. It's is something that we have to dealt with everyday especially if you're in a relationship. Seldom I find a couple whom is in a relationship has never felt jealous for one moment over something. It could be that hot receptionist or the colleague at his work place or it could be his ex-gf whom is calling him or it could even be a girl he checked out at a club.

Jealousy should not be confused with envy. While the latter can be a positive feeling, jealousy is actually destructive. It's a feeling of fear, insecurity and the anxiety over an anticipated loss of something. So, it could be that you're afraid of loosing your other half to someone else which the basis of the feeling is unfounded! But if you're envy, it's a different story. When you're envious over a person or a material possession, you might work towards the target and hope to be better but not when you're jealous.

Let's face it, jealousy destroys relationship because the very foundation of a relationship is trust. When you are jealous or imagining that your partner is seeing someone else, you felt that he/she has breached that trust and without getting an explanation from the "accused", you kept it to yourself and one day you erupted and you find that the relationship will never be the same again. Many people denied their jealousy by hoping that it will evaporate or disappear but you know it will not, unless you get your answer.

Therefore, it's very important to communicate. An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. If you don't want your partner to be jealous, keep an open communication. Talk to your ex/colleague/whoever in front of he/she if it's not a top secret or a national security threat. I know some gfs or bfs actually do check on their partner's mobile or history calls and texts. It's a way of declaring that you are "innocent" when proven guilty or finding out before he/she decides to kiss and tell. But honestly to me, it's a bad idea.

First of all, his/her mobile is her private possession. To respect oneself is to respect the other person as well as their personal belongings. I don't scoop into anyone's mobile and I don't plan to do so unless I'm threatened (as in if I don't check, I'll die kinda feeling). But of course I wish that the day would not befall on me because I want the other person to respect my privacy as well. They say, a couple should not hide anything from each other. I say, it's bollocks. Whoever teach you that is definitely hiding a lot of things. Everyone is entitled to their own secrets and the chinese says "the less you know, the better it is".

And thus it's easy to control jealousy in a monogamy relationship than in a polyamory (which I have written earlier) relationship because too many parties are involved and no one wants to get hurt. If you can't handle jealousy well in a relationship with one person, don't even think of two or the results could be quite severe. Some severe cases might be loosing a prized-possession like your manhood and for ladies, maybe your face (physically).

My advice is, detect that green-eyed monster early whether be it yourself or your partner. You can't kill it or take away insecurities straight away like a panadol acti-fast but you can take proactive measures to control it. The key word - communication. Hope it helps if you happened to be living with one or you're one.

16 comments:

FooDcrazEE said...

i envy ur life style - puffing away whenever u feel like it . . as for me . . .wifey making noise ler. . . .what else is ner. . .lolz

Anonymous said...

me and my gf share almost everything from email to bank card passwords...We are 4000 miles apart now, but we talk every night via msn...too much privacy overlap? hehe...i agree with you that communication builds trust... jealousy and doubtful feeling will only destroy one's relationship...it won't bring any goodness...

Huai Bin said...

100% agree, another well written post. I have ex gfs who checks my cell phone, I hate that!

This GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT kills relationships.

Open communiation is the best. I totally agree! :)

-eiling- said...

Foodcrazee: Thanks. Cos I'm still young and not married...

Anon: That's good. Thanks for sharing.

Huai Bin: Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Wow, serious posting for a change. Guess one of your bf is a jealous guy. If he gets his way, he will stop you from posting in this blog too.

-eiling- said...

Anon: then I'm thankful i don't have any green-eyed monster within the 1 metre radius from me.

zewt said...

so you have a lot of things up your sleeve which you will not disclose eh?

Myhorng said...

gal's face (physically) is equivalent to guy's manhood if that's way you mean? LOLROF

well written eiling. we all know it but to really put in action always challenging.

Wei Mei said...

i like this post le.. hehehe communication... think think think lo.... haahahah

-eiling- said...

Zewt: Yes...some people have secrets you know.. and these secrets will be best kept away from the public's eyes.

Horng: That's why cannot practice NATO - no action talk only.

Wei Mei: Yaloh... communication!

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