Thursday, July 16, 2009

Cohabitation: A preparation or an alternative to marriage?

I did some colouring myself!

As a young kid (I'm not exactly very old yet), I always question the way of life. Why do we have to conform to the laws of the society and why the stigma of living together before marriage (in other words, cohabiting) exists? In the modern context, cohabiting before marriage is no longer an eye-raising subject. In fact, it has become so common, more common than news of me partying 3 nights in a row.

When the couple chooses to live together in an emotionally or sexually intimate relationship, they are actually staying together like a married couple. Many would view this as a test-marriage or even a preparation towards marriage. But some resorted to cohabitation as an alternative to marriage because either they are avoiding marriage, gay or they are in a polygamy or polyamory (I shall deal with the polyamorist next time) relationships.

Is it not our say whether cohabitation is right or wrong because every situation or needs is different. I might, for example agree with cohabitation as the preparation of marriage. Let's just say that I've heard too many stories about couples getting into a divorce less than a year of marriage. And therefore, I have to make sure that the man that I want to live with the rest of my life is not some freak. When cohabiting, you'll discover many traits or habits that you've never seen in 5 years of courtship! A compliment must go to the partner whom managed to camouflage it so well....

Cohabitation is no longer about sex 0r no sex before marriage. It's about living together, trying to tolerate, share and love each other. A cohabitation might lead to marriage or it might lead to a breakup. I would say it's best to breakup during cohabitation than to get a divorce after marriage. Don't you think so? But study tends to show that cohabitation is bad for couples than jumping into marriage straightaway because couples tend to have lower tolerance levels, higher chances of cheating and less commitment from both sides since they are not legally married!

Actually there's more to consider when cohabiting then his bad hygiene habits like wearing the same underwear for two consecutive days or whether he puts the toilet seat down. Those are not going to be a major problem of living together for the rest of your lives. But what actually does need to be considered is his/her personality, attitudes and commitment. Bad attitudes can be hidden when dating or living together for a few days but not when it comes to everyday for months! It will definitely show. So this is a good chance to see for yourself the other half's true colours.

I don't know but I would surely try cohabiting before signing the documents. Getting a divorce is not easy and it involves so many parties, documents and time! Cohabitation breakup is easy - either one party just pack your bags and leave. And less monies for the lawyers! Muahaha....

(I love writing a good post for ponder on Fridays. It's my best day of the week.)


annant said...

i prefer cohabiting before marriage too...staying together 24/7 and pakto is so different lo...

but da thing is, my traditional parents think otherwise! le sigh

-eiling- said...

annant: Well, it's your choice and not your parents. Maybe you can talk to them about it first.

Anonymous said...

theres no ifs and buts, co habitating is definitely good i tell you, well at least more adv than disadv


zewt said...

most couples who found problems after getting married tend to hold on and learn another trait... acceptance.

anyway, as long as your parents are ok with it... i guess it's no one's right to judge.

_WeiMei_ said...

GOOD TOPICS..... hehehehe

Anonymous said...

Sound like you are considering to cohabitation. Lucky bf ;)

Cath J said...

Jeez... you think soo much huh?? ;-p

JenKin Yat said...

i couldnt agree more..cohabitation FTW~!!!

Jasmin Saw said...

"I would say it's best to breakup during cohabitation than to get a divorce after marriage."

Totally agree with you.

-eiling- said...

JC: U must be enjoying it!

Zewt: You're right and that's why to avoid that, cohabitation might be the answer.

WM: hehe...

Anon: No. Not so soon. hehe

Cath J: I do. It's weird I know.

Yat: haha!

Jasmin: Thanks. I think so too.

KY said...

yesss cohabitation is the way to go. :D

suituapui said...

Can be both a preparation or an alternative. Of course, there may be considerations such as religion, culture, parents.... Well, it's one;s life, so one must make the choice - good or bad, no need to blame other people later!

li wei said...

i should show this article to my mom and dad. *grins*

* ZILING * said...

so when can we kick u out of the house n take the wardrobe n bed space too???

chris said...

i think no matter how you argue, traditional parents will never allow lor...

kampungboycitygal said...

hey i love your friday's column..ur like a chic columnist right now haha..well, i would say yes! you'll never know until u try it out. like getting samples from the counter girl before u actually make an expensive investment in a bottle of SK II miracle water

Anonymous said...


How many people like Teoh Beng Hock need to die before you realise something is not rights?

They came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist;

And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist;

And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew;

And then... they came for me... And by that time there was no one left to speak up


Sorry to use your blog to vent my anger.

foongpc said...

I guess it's really up to the individual. No right or wrong here.

-eiling- said...

KY: Are you considering?!! Wink

STP: I don't think there'll be anyone to be blamed here. Cohabitation is a decision made by the couples.

Li Wei: Cannot.. then your parents would think I'm a bad influence!

Ziling: Not so soon. Stop dreaming.

Chris: Thus.. a time for a reform!

Kampungboycitygal: Thanks. You're right. Actually I wanted to use that example but don't want la.. cos cannot treat our partner as some skincare samples... heheh

Anon: No prob. That's your right.

Foongpc: Exactly. It's the decision by the couples.

Mike Yip said...

nicely written.

CoHabiting is one of the best thing a couple thinking of serious relationship/marriage should do.

Coming from a Divorcee point of view, my first marriage was doomed from the start of our marriage cause both parties couldn't accept how each other are at home and how we deal with home based activities. Arguments and all start and well... the rest as most ppl say it is... HIStory.

suituapui said...

Huh? What has my comment got to do with TBH? By "blame", I was talking along the lines of e.g. the parents blaming the child - "I told you so! But you never listened!" or the couple blaming one another, "You cheated me! I shouldn't have been tricked by your lies!" etc etc etc...

Gee! Who was that, eiling?

-eiling- said...

Mike Yip: Thanks for sharing your experiences. Cohabitation is indeed a preferred choice in this modern times.

STP: I really have no idea. did you just stepped on someone's tail?

Myhorng said...

yeah y not. :p

-eiling- said...

horng: exactly!

TheGunner said...

Interesting topic. Someone wise once said, "Imagine buying a car without even knowing the specifications and test-driving. You can't return a wife or husband the next day after a bad-sex-on-the-marriage-nite!"

On this topic, I stand on the side in favour of co-habitation. There's no better way to get to know someone than staying with that someone.

eiling lim said...

The gunner: I'm sure the wise one sounds familiar. haha... anyways, I believe in a modern society, cohabitation should not be viewed as a taboo subject. Parents must learn to see the good side of it. You have to test drive the car to really get to know a car! Reading it doesn't help, right?

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